Read a model sample essay on the topic of: people moving to cities from rural areas. This essay will help you to understand the correct structure and advanced vocabulary that you can use in the essay for higher scores.
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Band 6.5 Answer
In many countries, people are migrating from rural areas to cities, leading to a declining population in the countryside. I believe this is a negative development as it adversely affects rural businesses and makes it challenging to maintain essential services for those who remain.
First and foremost, rural businesses suffer financial losses due to mass migration to urban areas. Many small enterprises, such as grocery stores, clothing shops, and cosmetic retailers, rely on a steady customer base to generate profit. However, as people move away, these businesses experience declining sales and struggle to survive. For instance, a friend of mine owned a poultry shop in my village and earned a substantial income. However, as the population dwindled, his business suffered heavy losses, ultimately forcing him to close it down.
Moreover, maintaining essential services in rural areas becomes increasingly difficult as the population declines. Healthcare, education, and public utilities largely depend on the number of residents in a given area. A shrinking population leads to reduced funding, making it hard to sustain these services. For example, private hospitals require financial stability to employ doctors, nurses, and other medical staff while maintaining necessary equipment and medicines. A lower number of patients results in reduced revenue, forcing hospitals to cut staff and resources, which negatively impacts the community.
On the other hand, fewer residents in rural areas can create opportunities for development. Available land can be used for industrial expansion, benefiting the economy by providing employment and producing goods. Additionally, a lower population density contributes to a cleaner environment, reducing pollution and promoting sustainability.
In conclusion, the decline in population leads to economic struggles for rural businesses and makes it difficult to sustain essential services, ultimately harming the well-being of those who continue to live in these areas. But I think it can be a positive development because there will be more space in the rural areas to build industries.
Examiner Comments:
The student has contradicted his own opinion in the response. What is mentioned in the introduction is completely opposite to the conclusion. It is recommended to choose one side only throughout the essay. Secondly, the usage of vocabulary and variation in sentences is sufficient for the task. The student has also used the linking words correctly, which improves the cohesion score. However, one thing that is impacting the score negatively is that there are no compound or complex sentences in the response.
Band 5.5 Answer
Many people leave their villages and move to big cities these days. This trend makes the number of people living in the countryside smaller and smaller. To be honest, I believe this is a negative development overall.
The countryside needs young people to keep farms running. When they all leave there are not enough workers for the fields. Some villages I have heard about now have trouble growing enough food. Old farmers struggle alone and production drops. This situation affects everyone in the end.
Villages turn into quiet places with mostly elderly residents. Schools close down because there are no children. Shops shut their doors too. The whole community feels like it is fading away. It feels lonely for the remaining people.
Cities, on the other hand, face the opposite problem. Too many newcomers arrive every year. This leads to heavy traffic everywhere. The air gets dirtier and finding affordable homes becomes a big challenge for families. Daily life becomes stressful for city dwellers.
Rural culture also suffers when people move away. Sadly, old stories and traditions are not passed down to the next generation. The unique lifestyle of the countryside starts to disappear bit by bit. This loss affects the identity of a nation.
I think leaders should invest in rural regions to create more opportunities. Better roads and schools could convince some families to stay. Young people might not feel forced to leave for a better future.
In conclusion, this kind of migration brings problems for both sides. The countryside loses its vitality while cities get overwhelmed. It would be better if we found ways to make village life more attractive again. Everyone should think about this issue carefully.
Examiner Comments:
The major reason this essay got only 5.5 bands is that the student has not mentioned two clear reasons to justify his opinion in the introduction, due to which the body paragraphs are unorganized as well. This affected the cohesion of the essay too. Moreover, the student has given a kind of solution in the second-to-last paragraph, which was not needed in this task. The vocabulary and grammar score could have been improved by adding advanced vocabulary and using different grammatical structures.
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