Read the sample essay on the topic: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. Learn how to write a high-scoring IELTS essay using correct guidelines and structure.
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Band Score: 5.5 Bands
Saving money is essential for every individual in their future. I firmly agree with opinion because it facilitates people in financial stability and having an independent life.
Achieving financial stability in the future is the main reason why some individuals accumulate their savings. Many people desire to live a life full of luxuries and do not want to suffer in the future. This is the main reason people are working hard for long hours to save money. Moreover, they also need to set aside their savings to meet the expenses of emergency situations. For instance, individuals who are saving their money for a long time and get any disease, these savings help them to meet the expenses of doctor fee and medicines as well.
On the other hand, a large number of individuals desire to live an independent life. People especially young generation do not want to depend on parents for their expenses. Therefore, many individuals take up part-time jobs during studies to save some money for a business start-up. In addition, they also save their money for miscellaneous activities. For instance, in Europe, many students start part-time jobs while studying to meet the expenses of recreational activities.
Although, set aside some money facilitates people in their financial stability and a small start-up, it can also cause an increase in the things you desire to buy. People usually save a large part of their income and they must make difficult decisions about spending money especially on expensive food commodities and especially for entertainment purpose. In addition, sometimes, it also creates anxiety for the people who need to spend their savings for unplanned things.
To conclude, arguments about saving money especially for the young generation is very important. I extremely believe that accumulating money assist people in their financial stability and also for an independent life.
Written by an IELTS Student
Band Score Analysis:
- The introduction is well written with a clear opinion and reasoning.
- There are different punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and word formation mistakes.
- The use of ‘although’ is grammatically wrong.
- The student tried to explain the opposite argument in body paragraph 3, but it lacks proper explanation.
- She could have got higher scores in vocabulary by using advanced C1-level words in place of common words like ‘importance, crises, buying, and protection’.
- The student has used the correct structure.
- One major mistake in this essay: The student has explained the essay from a view that people are doing it (saving money) already, but the question is basically about explaining why they should do it. So, it’s about explaining the importance of something they must do, not something they are already doing.
Band Score: 6 Bands
It is often argued that saving money for the future is vital for everyone, particularly for the younger generation. I firmly agree with this statement because it provides a safety net during emergencies and allows people to achieve their long-term life goals.
The primary reason why saving is essential is that it offers financial protection against unforeseen circumstances. Life is unpredictable, and individuals may encounter sudden medical issues or unexpected unemployment. In such cases, if a person has managed to set aside a portion of their income, they can manage these crises without falling into debt. For example, many professionals who had savings were. able to support their families comfortably when their businesses temporarily closed during the global health crisis, such as COVID19.
Furthermore, developing saving habits early is vital for reaching significant life goals, like buying a house or launching a business. Therefore, disciplined young people can achieve financial independence much faster. If a young adult starts saving from their first paycheck, they will eventually have sufficient funds to invest in their future.
In conclusion, I completely agree that saving money is a fundamental necessity for everyone. This practice not only ensures security during difficult times but also paves the way for personal and professional growth.
Written by an IELTS student.
Band Score Analysis:
- The student has partly addressed the topic or question statement. Body paragraph 2 could have been even better by adding a supporting example.
- It would have been better if the student had discussed the importance of saving money for younger people in the first body paragraph 1, and the importance of saving money for adults or other people in the second body paragraph.
- The opposite argument is missing. We need to explain ‘why saving money is not important’, in case we do not agree with the question statement.
- The student has used relevant vocabulary, and it is sufficient for the task.
- She could have got higher scores in vocabulary by using advanced C1-level words in place of common words like ‘importance, crises, buying, and protection’.
- There are some missing verbs or subject-verb agreement errors.
- The essay also has some issues with the use of commas.
- The student has logically organised the paragraphs
- Some sentence structures and linking words are repetitively used, which is reducing the student’s score.
To learn how to get a Band 7 in IELTS writing, read this blog.
