Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

Read a model sample essay on the topic of: Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

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Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

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Band Score: 5.5 Bands

People believe that Formal learning is focused too much in the primary school. I firmly agree with this statement because rigid formal structures can extinguish a child’s natural curiosity, and introducing heavy workloads at a young age often leads to anxiety rather than a genuine love for learning.

Firstly, rigid formal structures can decrease the curiosity of the children, in fact, that student should be less challenging. This type of instruction leads to have the same children mindset without curiosity and discovery. For this reason, it is clear that if children have the same education, they will face difficulties in the future.For instance, in my elementary school the type of instruction was really formal, all of my classmates thought in the same way because our teachers were keen on teaching us only theoretical subjects even if it was better to try different practices.

Secondly, the heavy workload is an interesting issue which can entail significant risk. For this reason, it leads to anxiety even though elementary school program should help students find a genuine love for learning.
Although, students’ parents argue that teacher must decrease their workload, today students have to spend a lot of their time studying or doing their homework in the afternoon. However, essential skills such as sports or playing an instrument cannot be mastered because student’s homework takes up to much time.

In conclusion, focusing too much on formal academics in early childhood can harm students’ creative development and well-being. By reducing workloads and encouraging practical experiences alongside theory, primary schools can create a healthier environment where children truly enjoy learning

Written by an IELTS Candidate

Band Score Analysis (5.5):

• The student has written a good introduction, though there are grammar mistakes in it.
• Because of the grammar mistakes, some sentences do not have a clear meaning [that student should be less challenging].
• Several grammatical mistakes are present.
• There are some word choice and word formation mistakes as well.
• The use of ‘although’ is incorrect.
• The conclusion is well written but the solution [By reducing workloads and encouraging practical experiences alongside theory, primary schools can create a healthier environment where children truly enjoy learning]
• The student has not explained the opposite argument.

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Band Score: 6 Bands

Few people claimed that elementary schools are extremely focused on structured learning. I agree because traditional learning can limit creativity and confidence. However, I firmly believe that playing is an essential part of children’s personal development.

Structured learning is increasing in elementary schools. Traditional learning allows the children to follow fixed lessons and books. Due to this reason, children are less likely to ponder and fail in making creative ideas. Therefore, children explore fewer opportunities and are unable to solve their problems efficiently. For example, children who did not learn anything except textbooks, will unable to handle unfamiliar situations.

Formal learning can limit the confidence level of children. Children fear of making mistakes cause them not to get involved in other activities because they are expected to give correct answers. Therefore, when the students avoid to participate in other activities, they start to discourage themselves. As a result, less confident individuals will grow up who are always confused about their decisions.

Although structured leaning is important for students to understand the basic concepts, playing and involving in outdoor and indoor activities can also play a significant role in children’s creativity and personal development such as strong confidence level. However, there are many schools who are focused on other activities such as engaging students in playing and drawing. They build up a strong confidence level in students as compared to the school who are focused on structured courses.

To conclude, individuals claim about elementary schools are only focused on traditional learning. I agree because structure learning can limit creative thinking and self- cofidencein the children. Therefore, involving students in different activities can play an important role in children’s personal development.

Written by an IELTS Candidate

Band Score Analysis (6):

• The introduction is well written and answers both questions with reasons.
• The student has used the wrong structure for this essay type.
• There are some grammatical mistakes in this essay (punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and word formation)
• There is a use of different cohesive devices but needs improvement.
• The use of ‘although’ is incorrect.
• There is a content lapse in the first body paragraph.
• The student needs to learn the rules of subject-verb agreement.
• The third body paragraph should be explaining ‘why play is important,’ but it is giving irrelevant information.

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