Read the sample essay on the topic: whether social media communication is a positive or negative development. Learn how to write a high-scoring IELTS essay using correct guidelines and structure.
The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much Communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media has negative effects.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
These days the internet has transformed; therefore, the communication through online social networks has been switched as well. A handful of people claimed that this is a progressive trend, While Other individuals oppose it. In my point of view, It is a positive step towards communication by internet. As it provides the facility to people who lived abroad to communicate to their loved ones. Nevertheless, data protection issues and children access to internet are counted towards negative aspects.
To commence with, Internet makes the life of overseas people less difficult in terms of communications In other words, individuals who lived miles away from their family and friends could connect to them through various online applications. Such as, Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and so on with the help of internet access. For instance, when I moved to Australia two years ago; these online Social applications helped me a lot to connect to my parents and some friends. As a result, I did not feel depressed in a new country.
On the other hand, the social media platforms are not 100% secured in terms of privacy. Besides this, Children who has access to intemet on their phones or tablets can watch something that is inapproprate of their age. Moreover, online social accounts can be hacked by hackers or scammers which risks the confidentiality of personal stuff, such as photos and documents. To illustrate, one of my friends facebook account was hacked and the hacker was asking money froms my friend’s relatives. As she got to know this, she instantly blocked her account and warned the relatives about the scam.
To conclude, online social platforms gives access to Communicate through internet. In my opinion, it is a favourable trend but it has come negative impacts as well. which should be considered thoughtfuly.
Why is this a Band 6 essay?
In this essay, the student has made a lot of mistakes in all aspects of the IELTS writing evaluation criteria. Read further to find out a few of the major mistakes in this essay:
- Task response issue in Body Paragraph 2
The main topic of the essay is “communication through social media”. In this context, our body paragraph 2 should be discussing the negative aspects of social media communication, NOT the negative aspects of social media generally.
How body paragraph 2 should have been written:
On the other hand, the internet presents several undesirable outcomes. Primarily, children communicating online may encounter age-inappropriate content, which can negatively impact their social development and real-world interactions. Furthermore, digital communication is never entirely secure; there is a persistent risk of private messages and calls being intercepted. Such breaches of privacy can have severe consequences, as hackers may use stolen information for blackmail or financial extortion. For instance, incidents of social media accounts being hacked are increasingly common, leading to the exposure of personal data and financial loss.
- Inaccurate paraphrasing in the introduction
The student has made three main mistakes while paraphrasing the question statement:
1- Use of the word ‘switched’ is totally changing the meaning.
2- The punctuation is not correct, before the word ‘therefore’.
3- The sentence is not cohesive.
How the question statement should have been paraphrased:
These days internet has transformed the method of communication, and most people communicate through social media.
These two are the major mistakes 9 (apart from grammar and vocabulary) the student has made in the essay, which are reducing her score significantly.
Check this page for more tips on IELTS Essays.
Evaluated By: Hamza Ahmad
I’m an English language trainer with 3+ years of experience in IELTS, helping students achieve scores as high as an 8.0 overall band. A published contributor to Modern English Teacher (MET), I founded IELTS Prep and Practice to help students hit their target scores through proven strategies and personalized coaching.
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