Read the sample essay on the topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Band Score: 5.5 Bands
Many people believe that expanding athletic facilities is the right way for improving public health. Whereas others say that it has a mild effect on public health and other measures are mandatory to take. From my perspective, sports facilities play an essential role in maintaining human health. Involving in different sports activities helps people to cope with many diseases such obesity, heart attack, and diabetes.
In today’s world, people are not involved in any sport activities and avoiding these activities making them sick. Proper counselling of young generation is necessary that would be helpful towards reducing the health issues. For instance, playing outdoor games such as cricket, football, and hockey would help to sweat more by increasing sport activity.
Other measures are essential rather than relying on sport activities only. Firstly, people especially young generation, are addicted to unhealthy diets such as fast food and smoking. Government needs to pay attention to rising concerns about health issues at an early age. Educational institutions should have to initiate health awareness programs and mentors should have to foster the students on the current health issues. For example, young people who are going to gym everyday may still have health issues due to consuming fast food. Therefore, a proper awareness program is needed to counsel the young generation.
To conclude, sport facilities may assist people in improving their helps but other measures are necessary as sport activities may have a little effect.
Written by an IELTS Candidate
Band Score Analysis:
- The student has written the introduction in a good way, but it could have been improved by using more complex grammatical structures.
- In the first body paragraph, the student must explain the relation between increasing the number of sports facilities and improvement in public health, but the student has failed to explain this relation so poor task response.
- The topic sentence of the second body paragraph gives wrong information.
- There are several word formation errors.
- Low word count: 239
- The conclusion lacks personal opinion.
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Evaluated By: Hamza Ahmad
I’m an English language trainer with 3+ years of experience in IELTS, helping students achieve scores as high as an 8.0 overall band. A published contributor to Modern English Teacher (MET), I founded IELTS Prep and Practice to help students hit their target scores through proven strategies and personalized coaching.
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